Wet
By KaBob

A dozen hands reached into the water and pulled me out. “Where am I?” I sputtered, trying to catch my breath. “We found you unconscious floating down the river” one of my rescuers said. “Alright” I said “I have a story for you. “What!?” the group gasped “you can tell us later, you need medical attention right now.” “STORY TIME!!!” I yelled and began the story before they could react.
There once was an aquarius echidna, he lived a simple life. Living off the innocent fish babies he kept randomly finding. He disliked his life though, something about living underwater all day had made him terribly wet. He disliked wet, it was so watery, but his hair dryer didn’t even work. Its 30 day warranty hadn’t covered nuclear explosions or orange juice damage. Towels didn’t seem to help either, even when made into stylish turbans. He had one last chance to dry off, failure would mean certain death. First he needed an anvil, which he would tie to a cliff and drop on an unsuspecting coyote. This would distract the roadrunner which would then be devoured by vegans. The controversy of this event would set off a cleverly disguised rocket which would lift America into the air. When said rocket ran out of fuel America would fall back to Earth and step on a large land mine. Heated at 400 degrees for 4 hours by the land mine would cause America to become a ready to eat cheesecake pie. Thousands of dieting foreigners would see this pie and be unable to resist immigrating to America out of hunger. This displacement of human and donut shops would cause a huge land hurricane which would catch on fire and burn the cheesecakes crust. The heat from all this would evaporate all water within 23 feet of a light pole. Unluckily the echidna misread the instructions and stood 23 miles from a light pole, he died the next day from water overdose.